Like a Secret or a Sin
by thereisanothersky
Summary: "...And when he dies and becomes a new man...the new man sees an opportunity to see his beloved Rose again. So he goes back to a time where she doesn't even know him, and helps her with her homework. And he falls in love all over again. Because that's how special you are, Rose Tyler. You're worth more than all the stars in the universe to him…to me."


**Hello, all! This little oneshot is based on that one quote in "The Wedding of River Song." You know the one I'm talking about. I know the idea of the 11****th**** Doctor tutoring Rose is overused, but I just couldn't resist! The title came from the song "Only You," by Matthew Perryman Jones, which is seriously the most perfect song for 11/Rose EVER. I think I'm addicted to it. Also, I really hope that 11 doesn't brush off Rose as 'just a friend' in the 50****th**** anniversary episode, because she was obviously not. **

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy!**

It's hard to pretend that he doesn't know her at first.

When she first meets him, her hair is a dark brown, her eyeliner applied even more thickly than before. Her cheeks are more rounded and innocent, but her glowering expression is a contradiction to her cute face. She's so different from the Rose Tyler that he knew that it took almost all of his effort to avoid gaping at her.

Jackie introduces him as John Smith, a local college student who was looking for a part-time job as a tutor. Like most people, Rose raises her eyebrows skeptically as she hears his name. He just smiles at her as a memory takes hold.

_Rose was sitting on the floor of the TARDIS, drinking her tea while he tinkered with the wires. She was smiling fondly as she watched him work, humming a little tune that he recognized as a traditional Earth lullaby. _

_It was just peaceful silence for a while after that. He looked up at his companion, to see her twiddling her fingers, a look of curiosity on her face._

"_Why do you always call yourself John Smith?" She asked him softly. He frowned as he connected two wires. Hopefully they wouldn't explode the 1950's. Truthfully, he never really knew why he used that alias. His Time Lord brain could instantly think up millions of pseudonyms, but he always chose that one._

"_Because…I like constants," he said, surprising himself. "I like having something that's just _there,_ something that will always be there. I'm surrounded by change, I crave change, but it's nice to have some things that are the same. You know what I mean?"_

_She nods. "I used to have a tutor named John Smith," she mused. "He was…cool. Very cool. He wore a bowtie."_

_He snorted. "Are you serious?" He asked. "Bowties are lame."_

Well. His ninth incarnation never had that much of a fashion sense, anyways.

"Hello, Rose," he says, extending his hand. She doesn't take it, her frown only getting larger. He doesn't like it. Her frowning. He's used to seeing her teasing, irresistible smile, tongue poking out between her teeth.

She turns to her mother. "Why did you even bother?" She asks, voice bitter. "I'm going to fail my exams, no matter what. I always have. No college kid in nerdy clothes is going to fix that."

He tsks. "Well, there's no harm in trying, is there? And these so-called 'nerdy' clothes are cool. Really cool."

She stares at him like he's dribbled on his shirt. It's odd, being on the receiving end of that look. He clears his throat.

"I'm free on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Thursdays. Plus the weekends," he tells Jackie. Truthfully, it doesn't matter what day it is, but saying that would probably make her suspicious.

Jackie smiles at him, which startles him, to say in the least. Jackie had never treated him this kindly...ever. "We'd like to have you over as much as possible, if you don't mind," she says. "Would..." She checks her calendar. "Would six to eight work for you?" He nods with a grin.

"I'll be there, 6 pm sharp!" He says enthusiastically.

* * *

Later, he collapses in her room, biting his lip, trying to fight the tears down. Maybe it was a bad idea to visit a companion so soon after...the angels. He's still fragile, on the verge of breaking down.

But he's craving Rose's hand grasping his, squeezing gently as to let him know that she's there for him, always. Forever. He almost breaks at the thought of that word, that terrible word filled with empty promises.

But he doesn't. Instead, he gets on his feet, brushes himself off, and goes to get changed so that he can visit Rose on Monday.

* * *

He understands now, as he arrives at 5:59 pm on Monday evening. She's been hanging out with the wrong crowd, making bad choices, but this ice girl in front of him-this isn't really Rose. Her breath reeks of cigarettes and booze, her hair is tousled, and she's wearing clothing that would be considered the immodest for 51st century America.

And she looks broken.

The first half of the first session of tutoring passes in silence. She's picking at her nails, and playing with her hair, while he's trying to go over the basic maths that she's going to learn.

Halfway through, she suddenly says, "I'm hungry. Let's get chips."

A wave of nostalgia passes through him, leaving him breathless. "Okay," he says numbly.

Rose grabs his hand, and pulls him to the nearest chippy. She seems surprised to see her hand, intertwining with his in a way that seemed natural. Like they had done it millions of times before.

He almost laughs as he realizes that the only constant thing in these past few bodies was that his hands always fit perfectly with hers. Always. He wonders if any incarnation before his ninth had the hands that fit with hers.

Rose becomes friendlier once they have their chips. He can see the corners of her lips curl upwards with each bite. It's a shadow of her future smile, but it's a smile, nonetheless.

"You know, chips make everything better," he says conversationally, and she hums her agreement. "It could be the end of the world, and chips would cheer you right up!" She actually laughs at that, and his small smile widens into a full-blown grin.

"You should do that more often," he murmurs. Rose looks confused, but then realization sets in.

"Laugh? There's usually nothing to laugh about," she mutters, her expression suddenly gloomy again.

"That's why you have me around!" He exclaims, trying to lighten the mood. "Your own personal tutor/comedian with the cool bowtie!"

He mentally celebrates when she laughs again. They walk back to the Powell Estate, chattering about everything and nothing.

"Where are you from?" Rose asks. "You don't sound like you're from around this place. Too articulate."

For a moment, he is frozen. He recovers smoothly.

"Well, actually, I'm from Ireland. Um... Gallifrey. I moved here when I was really young... I can't really remember it. Here is home, now," he says.

"Huh," was her only reply, and he wonders if she really believes him.

* * *

When they get back to her flat, there's still 15 minutes left of the session. Now that she's actually listening to him, he glosses over what they're going to be doing. She nods, but there's a badly concealed look of horror on her face at the prospect of sitting around studying for two hours.

"Yeah, I know, sounds like a monster, right?" He says. "Hopefully it won't be too boring with me..."

She shakes her head. "'S'not you, it's the work that's terrifying...God, I'm gonna die."

He laughs. "Maybe I should give you something to look forward to...I'll buy you chips afterwards, how's that sound?"

"Okay, maybe I can deal with work if there's chips," Rose says, and then she smiles. She smiles the Rose smile that makes him fall in love with her all over again and he has to resist the urge to kiss her right then and there-

_No, stop it, you dirty old man,_ he thinks. _She's 16, and you're over one thousand. The age difference is even more pronounced than it was before!_

"Indeed, Miss Tyler! Until next time," he forces out, bowing as he backs up to the door.

She smirks. "I'll be waiting, Mister Smith," she says with a curtsy.

* * *

He makes himself wait a couple days before going to see her again. He doesn't want to rush this. He doesn't want to spend a few days with her and have it be over.

When he sees Rose next, she's changed so drastically that he can hardly believe that only two days had passed for her. Instead of the skin-tight, black ensemble that she wore for their first session, she's wearing sweats and a t-shirt. Her hair's put up in a ponytail, and her face is mostly bare save for some mascara.

"I dunno, I guess I just feel comfortable around you," she admits two hours later when he questions her about it. There's an adorable blush on her cheeks. "It's strange, I usually only dress like this when I'm alone…"

He is reminded of when she met Pete, who inexplicably trusted her, as if he subconsciously sensed that she was in his future.

He wants to explain this to her, tell her that she will meet him one day when he was broken and alone, and she would fix him. She would be his best friend and he would be hers, and she would promise him forever.

Instead, he says, "It's probably because I'm so cool."

"Yup," she agrees. "Like bowties."

"And fezzes and Stetsons," he adds.

"Of course."

* * *

He used to think it was impossible to fall in love with someone twice, but Rose Tyler proves him wrong.

For the next few months, they meet a few times per week, working on Rose's homework, and then going out for chips. His visits stretch longer, and longer, and she turns more and more into the Rose that he first met, all those years ago.

"I'm thinkin' about dyeing my hair blond," she says one day, twirling a strand between her fingers. "What'd ya think?"

He pauses for a moment. "Blond...suits you. I like blond," he says. Fearing that the last bit of that statement would make things awkward, he abruptly changes the subject. "Guess what! I graduated today!"

Rose gawks at him. "Why didn't you tell me sooner!" She demands, grabbing his hand. "Screw studying for today, we need to get victory chips!"

He chuckles as they run to the chippy.

"Rose, John!" the vender says in welcome. He doesn't ask them what they want; they always get the same thing: two large orders of chips and sodas, with four packets of ketchup to the side.

They pay, and talk happily while they wait for their food.

"What college did you graduate from?" Rose asks, and he has a strike of inspiration.

"Well," he says, puffing his chest up in self importance, "I'm actually kind of a genius. I graduated from Royal Hope Medical School."

Rose looks impressed, and he smirks. "But you can't be more than 25!" She exclaims.

"Oh, I'm 24," he lies nonchalantly, "and it's true. You can now call me Doctor!"

She grins. "Doctor. I like it. John is so...common!"

"Oi!" he objects, but inside, his heart is soaring.

* * *

Rose passes her exams.

She calls him immediately when she finds out. He takes her out to chips and then ice cream, holding her hand all the while.

Jackie hugs him and gives him a giant kiss when they get back to her house.

"You made her so much better," Jackie whispers gratefully in his ear, and he smiles at the woman who, a couple years from now, would slap him silly for taking Rose to see the stars.

"I'll get my A-levels in no time! Oh my God, I passed them!" Rose shouts triumphantly. Her hair is now a bright blond to match her mother's.

He realizes with a pang that it's almost time to say goodbye to her, for good. "And just in time," he says, smiling sadly.

She stops. "What?"

He looks down at his shoes. "I got a job," he lies, "in Cardiff. As a doctor."

The smile slips off of Rose's face. "You mean-you can't see me anymore?" She asks, her voice shaking. He shakes his head.

"If you mean tutor you, then no, I can't," he says, and to his surprise, Rose starts to cry.

"I-I'm gonna miss you," she sniffs, wiping her tears away.

"Hey," he murmurs, cupping her cheeks in his hands. "You can call me any time, any time at all. You know my number. You're going to be brilliant, Rose Tyler!" He kisses her forehead, gives her and Jackie a hug, and walks out the door.

* * *

She calls him late one night after that.

"J-John?" She sobs when he picks up the phone. "I'm so, so sorry!"

He comes over immediately. She's sitting on the couch, her hair and clothes sloppy, and (he feels fury well up in him when he sees this) bruises and cuts covering her face.

"Rose, what happened!?" He asks, his fingers ghosting over her wounds.

She cries even harder, and he pulls her into his lap and rocks her until she calms down.

"J-Jimmy Stone..." She says, her voice cracking. "Told me I didn't need A-levels...promised me everythin'... Left me... All alone to pick up the pieces...Mum's out on vacation and I don't wanna bother Mickey and I dunno what to do…oh God, I'm so stupid..."

He shushes her. "Rose Tyler, you are fantastic. Brilliant. Cool. You are clever and funny and you are the farthest thing from stupid there is."

She whimpers in his arms, her hand finding his.

He continues. "You don't need A-levels to do great things. You don't need A-levels to touch distant worlds, to travel through the stars, to be amazing and smart like you are. Just because you made a mistake, doesn't mean there's no room to undo it." He looks down at her, and her eyes are closing, looking sad and tired. She's almost asleep.

"Rose Tyler, you will do great things one day," he whispers, even though he knows telling her this is wrong, so wrong. "You'll get over Jimmy Stone and start to work in a shop, a pretty boring one if you ask me, but you'll have a job." He pauses a bit, wondering if he should go on.

"And then," he murmurs after a few seconds, "you'll meet a broken man. A man who had just lost his home, and his family. He'll be angry, and sad, and you'll save his life.

"He'll see how truly special you are, and he'll invite you to have adventures with him, in his magic blue box that can go anywhere. You'll say no, because you have to take care of your family. Jackie and Micky-the-idiot...

"And he'll be sad. He'll cover it up, but he wants you to be by his side, to make him better. Because he knows you can make him better, Rose Tyler. He knows how special you are.

"So he travels in his blue box, and he misses you so badly that he knows that he has to go back, he has to ask you twice. So he goes back, only a couple seconds after he left, and asks you for the second time. And Rose, you say yes.

"You save the world, and his life so many times, that he loses count. And then, one time, you almost kill yourself just to get back to that man and save his life. And that man knows, in that second, that he loves you and he can't let you die. So he gives his life to save yours, Rose. And he becomes a new man who's born from that sacrifice, who was made specifically to be yours. And that man will lose you, and find you, and then lose you again. But he knows you'll be happy one day, so he struggles through the pain in silence. And just before that man dies, he'll go back in time, just so that you can be the last person he sees before he dies. And when he dies and becomes a new man...the new man sees an opportunity to see his beloved Rose again. So he goes back to a time where she doesn't even know him, and helps her with her homework. And he falls in love all over again. Because that's how special you are, Rose Tyler. You're worth more than all the stars in the universe to him…to me."

Rose is sound asleep in his arms, and he carries her to her bed, setting her down gently and tucking her in. He resists the urge to lay down with her, stroking her hair and singing Gallifreyan lullabies like he used to do. He kisses her forehead, and considers something.

_There's only one reason I would ever tell somebody my name…_

Screw it. Rules are made to be broken.

He leans down, and whispers _it_ into her ear. She shivers in her sleep, burrowing deeper into the blankets. Her heart rate increases ever so slightly, and a sleepy smile appears on her lips.

"Goodbye, Rose," he says, and leaves.

* * *

_ They were in the library, him reading the last Harry Potter book (and crying the manliest of tears) and Rose browsing about, having read it first ("I got first dibs, remember!") _

_It may have been ten minutes later when he finished the book, closing it and discreetly wiping his eyes. He looked at Rose, wondering why she hadn't found a book to read yet. The TARDIS usually put the best books out on display for her. He was puzzled and concerned by the sight that greeted him._

_Rose wasn't moving, just staring sadly at a geometry textbook. She looked up at him. "This reminds me of a friend I had," she said, her voice scratchy, like she was about to cry. He looked curiously at the geometry book. "I've told you 'bout him before," she added._

"_Who was he?" He asked curiously._

"_John Smith. He was my tutor back when I was 16." He swallowed at the regretful look in her eye. "He was also my best friend, for a time. I was mixin' with the wrong crowd, doin' bad things… Mum hired him to help me pass exams; I was failing everythin'."_

_He couldn't imagine Rose, sweet, bubbly Rose, doing any of that stuff. _

"_Well…he fixed me, Doctor. He set me right. And even after he stopped tutoring me, he came immediately when I called him asking for help. When Jimmy Stone happened, he comforted me, told me that I was brilliant even without A-levels, told me I could travel through the stars if I wanted. I suppose that's why I went with you, Doctor. Because John told me that I could. I never saw him after that. I called a lot, though. Still do."_

_He struggled to keep his sudden, irrational jealousy in check. "Were…were he and you…" he trailed off, and Rose laughed._

"_No, Doctor. We held hands a lot, and we went out for chips after our sessions, but that's about it. I had the biggest crush on him, though. He's gorgeous—only about eight years older than me. Smart, too. Graduated from medical school when he was 24…" She paused. "I'm rambling, aren't I?"_

"_Yeah," He muttered, "you are." _

_There was a pause. _

"_He reminds me of you," Rose said suddenly. "He looked so young, and he acted young most of the time, too. But there were moments. Moments when he just seemed so ancient and sad. It broke my heart, and I had always wondered what he had lost to make him that way. I never asked him."_

_He froze. Because he knew. He knew that if he ever regenerated and she wasn't in his life, he would go back and see her. He would think of every touch as a blessing, every moment as a miracle that he could see his pink-and-yellow human once more. And he would help her with her homework._

"_Oh, Rose," he sighed, and held out his arms. She hugged him closely, and he held her tight, praying that it would be a long time before he ever had to let her go._

**I hope you liked this little fic! I wasn't sure how to end it, so it probably sounds a little incomplete. Maybe I'll go back and fix it later. Please review, and tell me what you think! Thanks for reading!**


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